After effects...

(So, my last post was cut short by R coming back from water testing a boat. He does not know I have this outlet, and would freak out if he found out.)

So, Our Holiday is winding down, We are celebrating with my family tomorrow. I'll be cooking a dinner, something I haven't done for them in years. (we normally end up with a very brief exchange with my negative family.) This year, with Mom's renewed attitude, I'm willing to try for more. We'll see what happens.

I still have a ton to do. I'm fighting a chest cold, which Dorado is coming down with. R, Tide, our brother-in-law and his Dad are offshore fishing today. R wanted me to go, but I feel like shit, and have too much to do. Oh yeah, what I have to do... I'm going to call Dorado's pediatrician for an appointment, because if this cold is too much for him I want to get him care before Jan. 1st when my "out-of-pocket-deductible" starts a new. Since in his 10 weeks of life he has managed to clinch his out of pocket for the year, I'd like to take advantage of that if he needs more care than I can give him at home. So, we'll see.

So, besides finding out what to do with Dorados chest cold, I still need to print out two of my calendars for my Mother and Grandmother. I still need to wrap (yes, wrap) all the gifts we're giving tomorrow. Plus clean and rearrange the Christmas chaos. Oh yeah, and R wants me to install the software for his new External DVD recorder drive I bought him for X-Mas. Though I realized he doesn't even have a DVD drive in his computer, so will need to take the DVD player out of my work PC and install it in his computer, take his CD-Drive and put it in mine. Not to mention that DirectX needs to be installed in his computer and there is some error where it wouldn't download the other day. Sweeeet. I love a challenge. If I had thought it to be this difficult I would have bought him a new computer. Except we were and are on a budget where that would be too much. Sigh.

We did have a lovely Christmas, Tide was so cute about the Santa thing. We kept urging him to hurry and get to bed so Santa could come. (or so Santas two helpers could assemble his drums and his brothers exersaucer) He went to bed and called for us shortly after saying he had to go pee. He got up and was going, R came in and told Tide he just saw on the news that Santa was in South Florida, so he's better get to bed... Tide hurried his task and kept saying he needed to close his eyes for Santa to come. It was so cute to see him run back to bed with his eyes closed. (I'm not kidding, he was bouncing off walls until I realized he had actually closed his eyes already, I did help guide him after that.) So, when he woke up and saw everything he was just ecstatic.

I can say putting a drum set together is NOT a quiet task. :)

Well, I need to end this for now, It's getting too late and I have a full day.

"There's no snow Mommy..."

No, There's no snow here. Kinda goes hand and hand with the whole Florida sunshine tropical thing. Somehow Tide has this notion that there must be snow to have Christmas. Something I find really odd since he is and has always been in Florida, and I've never seen any snow since I've been here. (ice frozen on the decks of our boat that we went fishing with, but no snow) So, I assure him it has nothing to do with snow, and everything to do with whether he is GOOD or BAD. (since, tis the season to whine you know...)

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Last weekend I let out a bunch of built up shit to R. Everything from how I felt he was being an ass about Christmas shopping when Tide was whiney (tired--no nap, a long story) to him continually saying that I would never be able to handle two kids. (this obviously before I actually gave birth, but was very pregnant.) We had a long talk that I thought was very productive. Like he understood where I was coming from. Lo and behold, what actually came of my heartfelt talk was that he stopped disciplining Tide. He stopped saying no to him. Yes to everything, Yes to the things in the store, yes to the candy, cookies and cake. Yes to climbing up the ladders in the store. I mean stupid shit. All the while saying he didn't want to be viewed as "negative".

Fuck you I'm a man.

"Because I'm a man it is WRONG of you to come and see if I'm okay when I have walked out of our house some 30-40 minutes without saying where and why I had gone. "

I walked out called out every door, wanting to know R was okay. He has issues with food clogging passages, and I was honestly concerned. Silly me to continue my concern. Since obviously he had left because his/our/my baby was wailing at the top of his lungs inconsolable... while Tide his/our/my son was just needing help in the potty. (sadly whining about it without remorse)

So what. The boys were both going off, I held my ground. I helped Tide and finally after feeding, changing, walking, jerking, and bumping got baby to calm enough to search for R. I find him in our boat. He's defensive when I find him. Defensive because I went to those lengths to find where he was. " I just needed space to relax". Fine by me (really) I wanted to know he was okay, not dying in the ditch.

Well I guess I suck, I guess I'm in the wrong here, apparently I'm suppose to sit inside with the kids and wonder for, uh, hours(?) Until I hear if he's alive or not. Fuck me.

Why Whine when you can Wine?

Okay, so I drink. (when I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding for those who are starting to shimmy in their seats) I am a casual drinker. I actually love beer, especially GOOD beer, (i.e. expensive), but am on a slightly fixed budget that doesn't allow for that, so we collectively buy cheap beer that could pass for water in certain countries. Not that I don't enjoy my water beer, but my water beer also packs on all those lovely chunky useless calories that this fat chick really needs to start avoiding. So, my recent and slow transfer over to cheap wine. (which wine is supposed to be less calories, right?)

I love wine, the wine I love is pricey to say the least. Especially since I'm a beer drinker and a simple glass (one) of wine is to be scoffed at and a bottle be considered marginal. Tell me can you drink one, just one glass of good wine? No. Not unless your scrutinizing mother in law is staring at you from across the table knowing you are driving 9.3 miles home after your meal with your two small children in tow. So, I am now on a mission. I am testing cheap wines one by one until I find a brand that doesn't make me completely gag while I drink it and doesn't cost me an arm and a leg to have my "couple" glass evenings.

I just went to open my next victim. (My last choice was disgusting even for the most robust drinker...Yuck! It left your mouth tasting like a combination of gravel and saw dust.) Oh I might add that I have narrowed my selections down to a white variety. I love dry wines. A cheap Merlot will kill someone and I opt not to be that person. Talk about nasty. So, white it is. So, here I am,work winding down where it is feasible to crack a bottle open. I go in and pull out my chilled bottle, grab my handy bottle opener and start winding the corkscrew into the top of the bottle. Yup, you guessed it... screw cap. Fuck. I can't tell you how sad it is to pour "wine" from a bottle with a screw cap... (not saying I didn't have Boones Farm as my first illegal purchase) But come on. This is just sad. No, it hasn't stopped me from my mission, I'm a trooper you see, or at least desperate. It is a bit sweeter than I like, but it does not make you cringe and shudder as the liquid finds it way through your gullet. As a bonus it doesn't come screaming back up in a form of fire... it stays put and begins it's journey south. A marketable improvement over my last taste test.

So, I am off to Wine... Wish me luck, or better, give me suggestions...

Blue Mouthed Baby

Yes, I have a blue mouthed baby...

Dorado is still fighting Thrush and his pediatrician suggested using Gentian Violet. Lovely stuff it is. I gave him his first dose today... We'll see if it works. The Nystatin wasn't cutting it. Poor boy. I actually brought him in on Monday to be checked for a bad cough. Fearing it was sinking into his lungs again, I just wanted to be safe. He was happily -happily since it didn't involve another Hospital visit, which by the way he did have RSV during his last illness- diagnosed with a head cold.

He is improving slowly.

Meanwhile, life is ticking by. Business has picked up some which is nice. Now to try and swing those Hospital bills, commercial insurance and the Holidays. Fun.

I guess I'm having a hard time even writing about my simple life. I am stressed, depressed and feel guilty. I have it good in comparison to others, yet, I feel like things are crumbling around me. Go figure. I seriously feel like crying at even the silliest things, yet have suppressed it all. R can't stand anyone crying. That includes, babies, wives and three year olds. Nice and healthy, right?