Yeah, but they're still cute...

Need I say more?

Dorado... and teeth

Okay so I remember teething with Tide being an ordeal and all, but I DO NOT remember this!!! Dorado is driving me crazy he is FINALLY sleeping now, after ALL day being UP. He shoves his fist in his mouth, screams, whines, drools and chews... all day long! I am up every 2 hours, if I'm lucky, at night... still! He is happy if I hold and coddle him for a period of time then looses his shit again... I do not know what to do... I have tried cold things, chew things, every-thing... He only enjoys shoving his fist in his mouth, gagging himself and biting down to the point he screams because he almost breaks the skin. SIGH.

He's growing up... For real.

Oh my Giyod!

There was a note attached to Tide's daily report from Daycare today... One of his classmates parents said their son wants to go to a movie with Tide on Sunday. I am shitting my pants... I expected this parental contact when he hit school age, and here we are...

I know I know to those who have done mommy classes, and various activities have probably already dealt with a play date of sorts with complete strangers, but this is my FIRST! Ugh. What do I do?

I did call and tell them (on a machine) Tide would be thrilled to go, now I just need to iron out the details and get my heart out of my throat. My baby is growing up...

Four Months Old

Well, Dorado had his four month appointment today. He weighed in at 16 pounds 4 1/2 ounces. He was 26 1/2 inches long. The only thing he doesn't do that many of his peers do is roll over. So, all checks were good. He does have his first tooth, poking through his bottom jaw. She said it looked like another bottom one was close and an upper tooth. Kinda explains his drool factor.

R went to the gym tonight and I'm going to whip up something for dinner here soon. Such is the romance...

Mish Mosh...

Any guesses what exactly Mish Mosh means? I don't know either.

So, I have a million things to say on a daily basis and DO NOT get to come on and express myself. I'm getting frustrated with it. I feel like I should tell R I have this damn thing and sit through the barrage of his not understanding... But no, that would mean I would be giving up the opportunity to do this utterly free of criticism. (Well at least from people that are in my face.)

Anyone think it's really not cool for your husband to want to buy you 6 weeks with a personal trainer for your Valentine's gift? Yeah, I thought so.

He also offered to buy me some lenses for my Camera and a tripod. I guess it's better then him buying a fishing reel, batting his eyes and saying how we use it together...

After my initial non response, I realized he's right, I need to get off my fat ass and get rid of this extra luggage. Mind you, it is NOT from bearing our children. My extra 60 pounds was produced after I got married, before Tide. I have lost my baby weight, but retained the wider hips and bigger feet from having children. (not to mention the saggy boobs and zebra stripes on my stomach) But the actual weight gain, all his.

Actually, I have a hard time with the weight thing... (duh, like most women?) No, seriously, I have gone through some really rough times with my weight. I spent the summer after high school starving myself. I ate peanut butter Twix bars and Jolt cola. Period, nothing else for an entire summer. I was a size 3, weighed 130, and am 5' 10" with a large frame. I was gross, and thought I was fat... I became engaged to a man 10 years older than I was, I went off to college and started eating again. I went from 130 to 200 in no time. Everyone thought I was pregnant, which I wasn't. (I was still a virgin) I changed schools so I could start living with my fiance, sacrificing some scholarships and such to make it happen. Shortly after Christmas and before my next semester of school, I found out my fiance was boinking his male friend while I was away. We broke up (duh) and I scrambled to get some classes and a place to live. I realized what had happened to my body and needed to change it. I went to a counselor and signed up for a weight training class. I started working out and by the end of the semester was back to 160, my normal weight. I wasn't done there. I have continued to yo-yo my weight since then, and have really tried to pay attention to my eating habits. It is easy for me to not eat and obsess about being smaller than I physically can be. So, I try to not think about it at all, and in turn have become a larger woman. I'm not happy about it, and continually argue with myself over whether I should accept it or not. (like I ever could)

So, here I am in my early , uh almost mid, 30's fighting my battle. Again, forever.

I just am so tired of always being strung out and busier than I can handle. I work ten hour days (minimum) 5 days a week, take care of the baby while I work. I feel overwhelmed with what I have to do. Now I need to find time in my schedule to go to the gym and work out? This will be easy, right? I'm shaking my head in frustration. R thinks it's so fucking easy, that all I need is a little push. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Whatever, I'll deal with all that... really, that is not what I intended to talk about today, I was going to do some boy talk. All about my boys if you will, and instead have sidetracked into bullshit. Sorry.

Tide can write his name. He has been writing "T" for Tide for a long time, ignoring the other letters, though he knew how to spell his name, pick out the letters on paper, he just did not care to write them together. Last Monday was the first time I have ever seen him try to write his name, He carefully put the T down, the an "i" on the left side of the "T", a "D" on the left side of the "i" and an "E" on the left side of the "D". My mirror boy. Then today while we sat down to sign his name to 15 Valentines day cards for school, he wrote, unprompted, his name in full, in the correct direction. ("i" to the right of the "T", etc.) I am proud of him. I have no idea if this is normal or not, and I don't really care if he is first or last in his class in doing this task, I am just proud he can do it, it brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye.

Dorado is still teething. He is a drool factory, yet one of the happiest babies I've ever seen. He is so beautiful. See? Here's a taste from this morning...

and here's my other boy from our trip to the beach two weeks ago...



Dorado has been working on using his fingers for everything. He strums my chest, hand, leg, any body part he touches, wiggling his fingers the entire time. He is getting more enjoyment out of his exersaucer than previously. He's pulling all the toys to his mouth to test. Whatever works for him.

Next time. I'll scan and upload a picture of Tide in his first magazine. Yes, he is published. I'll leave the suspense for now. Thanks for, uh, getting this far.

Which reminds me...

... of being in college. We were renting the bottom floor of a three story farm house. Which the water and heat was propane, in Maine! We were so broke, already had 6 or 700 dollars on credit with the gas company and were out again. Our stove was electric, so we huddled (three of us and a cat) around the front of the open oven door, draped in comforters and drinking coffee. I was still cold. My cat curled up on the door of the stove! No, I didn't get a picture.

We are Dumb Fucks!

Any guesses on what kind of dumb fucks we are? We have two small children, a cold front (which will be the coldest so far this year) coming through Saturday. AND WE JUST RAN OUT OF PROPANE!!!!!! Fuck! I thought I smelled something when I lit the pilot last night... (it was 36 degrees this morning, which is cold to us!)

Oh, and I forgot... Tide had a fever Monday and Dorado has been coughing yesterday and today. Yes, sick kids, cold weather and no heat. Fuck.

You think I can beg the oil company to come tomorrow when they usually take a couple of WEEKS and don't want you to run your tank below 20%?!